Ah-Drew's Space

I am at a total lost of words here.  Today is probably second toughest day of my life and I already went thru a lot for my short young life.

I see Jason came in this morning and as soon as he wanted to tell us about something, my heart just suddenly sank and the first thought that went thru my mind is please God, please let Chelsea and her family be ok.  And when Jason announced what had happened, my heart was just bleeding inside.  I have only met Elias very briefly, but his love for his two girl had such a strong mental impression on me that during the past year that I can easily picture his smile toward his daughters every time Chelsea and I talked about Elias and how he is doing.  Before I really let the shocking news sink in, someone from church called me and told me my dad fainted.  I didn’t think it was a big deal as my dad get hot and cold flashes as side effect when he is on his hormone chemo and he can get a bit dizzy when that happens.

 

I still went to the hospital immediately and during the drive, I feel peace and I wasn’t rushing, but as soon as I got off my car and entered the hospital, I had a very strong feeling that my dad got something a lot more serious.  I don’t know why I had that feeling only after I entered the hospital, but it was very strong feeling.  Then after a long wait, my mom and I were finally able to see my dad.  The image to me is so shocking.  My mom just rushed to his side and talks to him and tried to wake him up, but I was totally stunned standing at the ends of the bed.  I was stunned because my dad looked exactly like the lifeless body I saw when my Gdad was just about to go.  He was on a breathing machine, his pee bag is filled with clear water (sign of a failed/failing kidney).  I knew that God is trying to tell me something.  The nurse or Dr had not told us a thing yet, but my feeling was so strong that I couldn’t ignore it.  I just stepped up and told my mom, let’s not give him any pressure to wake up or give him any more stress.  Let’s just tell him he can wake up when he is able to and we will be by his side no matter what happens.  So we just talked to my dad, we told him we love him and whatever happens, if he is to become disable or a veggie, we will be by his side to help him recover and take care of him.  We told him that he did a great job calling the closest church friend and 911, unlocking the front door…etc and we told him that we are proud of him and that we know he tried his very best to give himself the best chance to stay alive.  In that time I tried to slowly pass the message to my mom that my dad is actually in a very serious condition and he might leave us.  I think it really eased the blow when the CT scan come in and the first and only time the doctor talked to us, we were told that there is nothing they can do, there is no surgeon willing to perform the surgery as no one thinks there is anything they can do that can help the situation.  My dad isn’t going to make it past today.  While the news is still quite shocking, I think God had prepared me and allowed me to slowly ease the message to my mom and let her know that the situation is a lot worst than she thinks. I praise the Lord that I was able to do that before the Dr had a chance to talk to us, because the message is a lot easier to take when it came from me, where there is still hope the Dr will give better news than what I think might happen and at the same time, the worst case possibility entered her mind.

 

The word got out very quickly and almost 50 ppl came to see my dad.  They went in 2-3 ppl at a time and most of them got to see him a bit.  Then at 7pm, the closest relative stayed in the ICU room with pastor friends. We sang my dad’s favourite Hymn prayed, then at 7:17 we unplug the breathing machine and my dad passed away peacefully.

Finally got a court to play baddie and use my new raquet and new baddie shoe, which I spend countless hours researching and deciding.

$618 fot TI7 and $23 to upgrade sting to BG85. Shoe was 48X because I one I want that is cheaper and have the color I like dont have my size.

 

I would have to say this, after YEARS of playing badminton, I finally took ppl's advice and upgrade my shoes.  The pros who keep telling ppl to forget about raquet, get a good pair of shoe + learn footstep are 110% correct.  If you get "there" in time/earlier, you have MUCH more option on what kind of shots you can do.  So newbies, please get proper shoes first.  If you get to the right location, you have a lot more time to do the stroke you want.

 

I kick william's ass HAHAHA.  The raquet feel so good, especially my backhand.  It solve or imporve some of my weakness. I am still learning to use a much much higher tension stinged raquet.  Adapting from ~17-18 lb to 22lb is weird (23, 21lb, i forgot which one is hor and vert)

Good trip.  Visited most of the places shown in TV and tried their food.  Go kart was awesome.  The track is way better than the ones in Canada, but not as good as the one I went to in LA years ago.

Man, even tho I already expected this to happen, actually going thru the events is still very diffcult.  Today, I am by gdad's side during his first full body seizure.  Then after that I see his condition get worst as hr passed.  I went home to take a TINY break, only to get call right back to rehab in 15 mins.  I get to ride in an HK ambulance and see life drain away from my gdad's body like sand in an hourglass.  I am prepared, yet it was still very hard, now it would be a matter of hours away or 1 day or 2 if God allows my gdad to live a tiny bit longer.

 

I also find out today that my other suppose to be "healthier" gdad went to the hospital last week was for an heart attack.  I initially thgouth it was irregular heart beat, but I guess Gdad just got the wrong reason.  The dr said he had a mild heart attack.

 

God taught me not to whine and just do what I need to do and have faith God will take care of the rest.  Last week's sermon was about not whining, but now I really do want to whine, because whining usually makes me feel better :(  To me, not whining feels like having diaherra and cant find a tiolet, it sucks to not let myself whine.

Went to teh Zoo with Kiven, and being hopeful to see the Jaguar that we saw back in elementary school.  We see teh jaguar cage icon in the map and we walk around looking for the cage.  The a see a exerbition hall which was closed and I can sort of see a jaguar skin on the wall.  Then I joked and said maybe the jaguar is is now on the war.  Kiven was like no way la i think they will probably make a full scale model display out of it.  Turning te jaguar into wallpaper is such a waste.

 

We asked a zoo keeper and apparently the jaguar die in June, 2008.  We asked the zoo keep where is the jaguar now and the zoo keeper points at the exerbition hal behind us.

 

RAWRRRR so I was too late to see them again.

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Got badminton shoes + raquet finally.

Shoe was hard to find as they dont have my size, so I was force to buy a more expensive model.

Racquet I was deciding between Ti7 or Ti10.  Went for 7 mainly because I know I can use that raquet well right away.  I think TI10 would be better for me long term, but well too late. I think I will be using this TI7 for a long time.  Sting used is bg85, 23/21 lb

Played squash in a proper court for the first time with little rice + punpun + friend tonight, petty easy to get a handle on the game. petty fun.  It is like a 3D verson of badminton, the side wall give a lot more possibilities + randomness.

 

Lunched with LoLo also, I alost had to fly airplane because I over slept.  4am-10:30am was the first block of sleep I had in 3 days. XD  Seems to have figure out the method to relieve gdad's pain at night, thanks to gmom's ancient formula, so I should get good sleep tonight.

We got a born in hong kong student and a offical translator to explain everything to us.  It was so uneventful that it was down right boring XD

 

I think this will give me some peace now that I need to hurry back to HK.  It doesn't seem 老豆's 電療 is going to be problematic.

Some how on the back of my mind, I wonder and wonder if going to HK on Dec is too late or not.  The timing seems perfect to me work wise and as a vacation wise, but now I got the answer.... It is indeed probably be too late.  Got some calls recently and I guess Grandpa is not doing well, so I now need to to find earlier flights :(

Man, I hope my dear mini Rice can pull off a miracle for me again.  It sucks that life dont work out the way you planned it to but o well, I need to get used to it.

Getting more no pay leave is probably ok, but there is no way I can finish up my work in Canada, so I need to find a way to work semi effectively while in HK.

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

Ok , I vented, felt a lot better XD.

 

On the bright side for today, I went to International hosue @ UBC for their 50th anniversary event.  It was petty cool to meet my ex-co-worker, lots of old familar faces.

I also get to see a live performance of what I THINK is guzheng from petty close up.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guzheng).  I think that is what I saw, the best my un-educated brain told me it is the chinese version of a piano thingy XD.  It is petty amazing, I mean prior to today my closest encouter with such instrument is watching movies, where an actoress pretend to play them with 3 inch finger nails or use it as some sort of weapon.  The girl playing the instrument was glorious too , she was wear a red tradition chinese dress called K-Po.  I would have probably go and talk to her (or not since I am like shy XD) and ask her if I can see the claws? taped to her hands, but she left right after the performance. O WELLzzzzzzzzzz.  Anyways, I quite enjoy the performance, at times it felt the chinese piano thing is out of tune, but I still enjoyed the music a lot.  My boss who knows a bit more about music said the cold air was a major factor in her instrument going out of tune and that is the reason why we saw her despairly trying to retune her instrument just before the performance.

 

Anyways for what I thought to be a work related event that I have to attend, it turns out to be petty memorable.  I actually don't find the event boring, which is petty amazing. The ppl that really knows me would probably not believe that I can sit and listen to ppl talk without bordom creeping in, but today it was one of the very few rare exceptions.

He just had his first Chemo Shot yesterday.  Hope he doesnt get too bad of side effect.

 

He is also scheduled for radiation threapy in ~ 3-5 weeks.